for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
