im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Your cock deserves a montage
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
