Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
