So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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