i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
