A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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