I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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