I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
