so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
