i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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