Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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