I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
