we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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