At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
