saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
