Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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