HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
