i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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