If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
