I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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