DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
