I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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