tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
