Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
