Do you still have your period?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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