You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
