Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
