Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
