Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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