so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
