I cannot find my penis.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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