Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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