i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
