I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
