I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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