i don't like sucking hair
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
