she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
