fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
