And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
