PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
