chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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