some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
