"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
