Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
