So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
