She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
