So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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