This is not my ceiling
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
