How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
