is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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